No Name
by Klee Louise
Summary: ‘And you didn’t even know my name…’ – A child’s song on the loss of two grown men. A songfic: ‘My Name’ – George Canyon.


**Summary:** 'And you didn't even know my name…' – A child's song on the loss of two grown men. (A songfic: '_My Name_' – George Canyon)

**Pairing:** HPSS

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warning/s:** Mentions of SLASH, and Male Pregnancy.

**Disclaimer:** These characters do not, I repeat, do not belong to me. JKR is the lone soldier who owns these beautiful people. The plot is mine. Oh how I love playing with these precious souls...

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**No Name  
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Throughout the months of Harry's pregnancy, Severus became everyone's nightmare. I suppose many would say he had always been their nightmare, and that he was now something much worse. I thought it was sweet; Ron thought I was just mad. He would be one of the many who voted for 'much worse'. Harry was content though, so Ron kept his thoughts pretty much to himself.

I knew a male pregnancy was dangerous, for the father as well as the child, and I was always on the look out for any difficulties I thought Harry could be having. Although Severus thanked me in his abrupt manner, I knew he appreciated an extra set of eyes keeping up with his Harry and their child. Severus had never publicly displayed such emotion (or more to the point, affection), but Harry always said he was Severus'; I believed him.

_It's cold in here, feels like everything's upside down  
I can feel you talking, but I can barely make out the sound_

Pregnancies had always fascinated me, and one day I hoped to be a mother myself. For now I found watching Harry's stomach grow more than enough, and slowly my disbelief that such a delicate procedure could occur began to slip away. Harry became ill for a week during his second trimester; Severus could not be calmed down. It wasn't until Harry was strong enough to glare at him for some peace and quiet that he settled into his routine again. The other professors preferred the 'much worse' over Severus' escalating fear, or as Ron put it the 'adorably sweet nightmare'; I think Ron was beginning to see just how much his best friend meant to the Potions Master.

_I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year  
I'm gonna change this world if I ever get out of here_

We all had our ideas on whether Harry would have a girl or a boy; Severus didn't seem to mind as long as he or she was healthy. And that Harry would stay safe. Authur had joked, saying to buy pink clothes and paint the nursery blue. Molly had argued with "No grandson of mine will be found in pink". Through this all Harry had just smiled and let them bicker it out; I think he agreed with his husband - a healthy baby was fine with them.

Poppy had offered to tell them the sex, but both had disagreed. They said they were used to surprises and this was one they could look forward to. I think it's about time I had a talk with Ron about children; Molly will be pleased.

_He wants to dress me in pink, paint's my bedroom blue  
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth_

Severus had told Minerva Harry and him would be moving out of the castle to take a small cottage down from the Burrow. He believed once they had their child Molly would be a great asset in his newly found fatherhood; Harry could handle anything, no problems. He also said the move would be beneficial to their children. We still laugh at Minerva's face over the use of 'children'; she wasn't expecting plural.

_This love is my only emotion  
Haven't learned any fear any pain  
It's kind of funny with all this commotion  
I guess they've got me to blame_

I do agree that Severus could be a nightmare. He was constantly fussing, then he would throw a fit when Harry – "_You don't appreciate anything, you ungrateful little snot. All I do is run after you, AND YOU DON'T LET ME!_" – would tell him he was too tired to, oh to go for his afternoon wash for example. Then he would worry he had upset Harry's 'unstable condition' and fuss double what we usually went through. They did make a cute couple. Ron maintained it was really Severus who was pregnant ("With all those mood swings he pulls…") and that he didn't want anyone to see him waddle.

_And they don't even know my name  
And they don't even know my name_

I still remember their wedding. It was beautiful and romantic and all us girls were in tears. Ron was one of the girls that day, as were many of the other men. They wore white robes with blue trims (to remember the one father figure either could remember: Albus Dumbledore), and Harry had grown his hair out so both of them could have a soft braid falling down their backs tied with a white piece of leather. The day had ended in a food fight with everyone involved in some way, whether it was whipping up the food, passing it along, throwing it, or shielding someone supposedly on your side. Although in the thick of things, Fred and George, surprisingly, weren't the ones responsible. Severus had said some scathing remark to Minerva who then slopped her treacle pudding into his hair; Harry had laughed then found his face covered in ice cream, and so on and so forth.

Two weeks after the wedding Harry announced he was three weeks pregnant. Ron still believed Harry was a virgin; I have to say the image of pumpkin juice dripping from Harry's chin and Ron's nose will always bring a chuckle to my lips. For the first three weeks after that incident, Severus and Harry were constantly bickering over names. They then decided to decide once the child was born.

_Well I've never felt so ready, think it's finally time  
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it's mine, all mine_

Then the trouble started. Harry's body decided to shut down. We're still not sure what happened and whether or not it could have been prevented. Poppy couldn't work fast enough though. The baby decided it was ready even though Harry was far from it; the baby was going to be 1 month and a half premature. Harry was too weak and was having trouble staying conscious; I had to sedate Severus to a point that he was able to function but not hurt Poppy or, in a panic, Harry.

_Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright  
And a man took my hand, said 'Don't worry, your Dadda's gonna be alright'_

I remembered everything I had read on male pregnancies, but all I could come up with was the word 'dangerous'. I was in tears, Poppy was shaking, Minerva was hugging Severus to her chest, Ron was staring stonily out the window, and Harry wouldn't open his eyes. And the baby wasn't crying. But Severus was showing emotion in public as he turned from Minerva's chest in tears.

_Then he opened the gate, and I followed him in  
Said 'You can wait right here, till it's your turn again'_

I could hear a little girl's laughter tinkle throughout the room, and then Harry was breathing.

_And his love is the one true emotion  
Heaven knows no fear, no pain_

In that moment I believed there was a God. As a muggle I had always believed in a higher order, but as I entered Hogwart's all those notions were washed away by magic. It was strange to know there could be someone, or something, more powerful than a witch or wizard. But Harry was breathing and his little girl was in safe hands; I let my tears keep on falling.

_I never got to set my wheels in motion  
But they loved me just the same_

I find it sad that such a bright spirit (I do believe their first child would have made a difference in our world had she not been needed elsewhere – and I do believe she was needed elsewhere, otherwise she would be here with us today) could never be seen or heard in my time. Harry and Severus lost something that day, but they will always love their little girl.

_And they didnt even know my name  
Didn't even know my name  
You loved me just the same  
And you didn't even know my name_

And they never did know their little girl's name.

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**Author's Note:** I came home over the weekend for Father's Day - whenever I'm home I get stuck into the country music and this time, one artist I listened to was George Canyon. As his song 'My Name' came on this idea came to my head. It's from Hermione's point of view and the lyrics are the child's thoughts.

Now I'm not religious, but I love songs like this - the people who do believe like this (that means don't preach and also _believe_ the non-believers are all going to burn in Hell) are heroes in my books. I cried as I wrote the end - I don't believe in abortion and, well, this was close enough in my books. But the lyrics do say she'll have another turn - guess I'll have to believe in that, huh?

Enjoy!

P.S. Thanks to **SerpentSlaveChik** for pointing out in my first version the mistake of 'No Name' instead of 'My Name' as the songs title.


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